#022 - Comet Comet Comet Comet Comet Chameleon
Geordi, man, you got to corral those players. They’re not even staying in character! I know you’ve got pages and pages of notes on this setting already, but try to start with the key concepts maybe.
But, yes, seriously, what is with that comet in the opening title sequence of Deep Space Nine? Why is the first thing we see a comet about which nothing is, as far as I can recall, ever said? It’s not a plot comet or anything; it’s just a random bit of stellar flotsam, the sort of minor phenomena that Enterprise or Voyager or Enterprise Bakula Edition might chase down and scan but which DS9 would at best grab some long distance pix of if it was a slow day in the astrometrics lab.
Maybe it’s a metaphor? Like for the way Deep Space Nine embraces a degree of momentum, of continuing arc, which contrasts with the more episodic structure of the preceding Next Generation? Not that a comet drifting in a straight line is really a good non-trivial example of an arc. Plodding along in a dull straightforward path is kind of an unflattering self-assessment.
But then, oh, there could be gravity wells? Suns, planets, spatial anomalies? The perturbation of its path by stellar masses seen and unseen? I suppose that’s a good example of how an arc can come from nowhere, a twist in the road, an unintended shift in one’s path so that one ends up treading into strange territory even as one tries to presses ever forward and onward? Is this metaphor shaping up? I feel like we’re reaching here. Feeling like the ol’ grasp is being exceeded.
Another thing that I suspect: somewhere on a datapad (yes, yes, they’re called PADDs in the Star Trek universe, shut up), Geordi has written down lyrics to a song about Deep Space Nine. Maybe those’ll slip out at some point. Maybe just.
Geordi: Our story begins…in the deep darkness of space. A comet streaks through the vacuum, tail glittering in starlight; orbiting the planet Bajor is the Cardassian station, Terok Nor…
Geordi: …now bearing the Federation designation Deep Space Nine.
Riker: Can we shoot it down?
Geordi: What? Shoot what down?
Riker: The comet that’s hurtling toward the space station. Does DS9 have phasers? Photon torpedos? I say we open fire, give it all we’ve got.
Data: I would advise that we determine its mass and composition prior to firing, to better calibrate the effects of our weapons on the–
Picard: Belay that, there could well be intelligent life within that comet. Scan for lifesigns, and open a hailing frequency just to be sure–
Geordi: Guys, it’s not a– Look, I’m just trying to set the mood a little, the comet isn’t actually anything you need to worry ab–
Bev: If there’s an impact, we’ll need medical staff standing by to treat the wounded. We should outfit a shuttle bay for triage.
Picard: Mmm, agreed. Make it so. Take us to yellow alert, I want that impact zone evacuated immediately–
Geordi: Seriously, folks, forget about the comet, it really doesn’t–
Riker: Forget about the comet? Lives are at stake, Mr. LaForge, this isn’t a–
Wes: I know! What if we used a shuttle to grapple onto the comet and use its impulse engines to divert the trajectory of the–
Geordi: WOW, SUDDENLY THE USS CONVENIENT DROPS OUT OF WARP AND DESTROYS THE COMET. BOOM. NO MORE COMET.
Geordi: Alright? Alright. Now let me finish setting the damn mood.
Very much your classic Eric and the Dread Gazebo situation, to the point I'm a little surprised I didn't name-check it at the time. Did come up in the comments, though.
But I really do have to give the crew credit for trying to jump right in and Yes, And each other. I bet they all did great in drill exercises back in Starfleet Academy.
A good comment from IRFH:
Data: Geordi, there is no such starship in Starfleet record–
Geordi: Captain Contrivance and his crew of Mary Sue clones have piloted the USS Convenient from the future on a mission to save DS9 from irrelevant derails.
Riker: The entire crew is made up of twins of twins of twins? Can I switch my character to Captain Contrivance?
Geordi: SUDDENLY THE USS CONVENIENT CEASES TO EXIST AS THE DESTRUCTION OF THE COMET ERASES THE VERY FUTURE THAT CREATED IT.