joshmillard dot com

Plugging away

Feeling a discordant mix of productivity and absolute failure to get myself in motion this last week -- on the one hand, got some more Larp Trek strips defrosted (up through 50 now) amd made a few lino carvings; on the other hand have largely felt like a big lump of anxiety and executive dysfuction, struggling to get dull dayjob work stuff done in the face of the overwhelming stupidty and shittiness playing out in the US govt. currently and just a healthy dose of personal brainspace subparness.

Where I've gotten stuff done lately it's partly just been a matter of plugging away at some achievable, no-big-thoughts-required task while feeling lousy rather than sitting still doing nothing while feeling lousy. And it's frustrating in a way how much that works when it does work, because part of the like unmotivated lump feeling, the depressive fuck it all of it all, is the sense that can't even be worth bothering with either. And I don't feel better because I'm forcing myself to get something done (art, personal data entry, household chores), but I can feel at least a sort of distant appreciation that I am getting something done, so, okay? I feel good about having gotten stuff done when I end up in a better mood, at least.

So, plugging away it is, where and when and to the extent possible.